Deadlines - Sunday Scribbling

Oh this one would be so easy to write about from a professional point of view. My whole entire life seems to be governed by deadlines during term time. Other folk might be looking ahead to the holidays but any discussion of this sends me into a mini panic. All I can see between me and the holidays are all the deadline markers, looming up like hurdles on a track. And I was really never very good at hurdles. Something to do with having short legs.

But there is more to deadlines than just the obvious. For a woman there is a biological deadline by which time one must have had children, otherwise it won't happen. At least not naturally, anyway.
When I was young, there seemed to be an endless amount of lifetime stretching ahead of me. I never wanted to have children too early. I wanted to live a little first. This isn't becuase I was career driven or anything, more that my mum had me when she was just a teenager and has always told me that I should have my life before committing to a family.

It was only in my early thirties that I started to question when my time would come to have children. Rather than start to desperately seek out a prospective father for my children and schedule in dates for conception, I told myself that I had to accept the distinct possibility that I may never have children at all.

And that was hard.

Some tears were shed but in the end I just came to terms with it all. I may have kids one day and that would be amazing but if I don't, I don't. Since accepting this possible future, I've come to realise how lucky I am to have my own space and time. I've realised just how selfish I am and wondered if I did have kids, how I would possibly fit them in amoungst all work deadlines?

My fiance really wants to have children, I hope it happens for his sake. But then, I also really hope he's great at babysitting on his own so I can get on with some work.