25th November - One month until Christmas

It's funny how life can change in such a short space of time.

I got well enough to go back to work. Went back to work and ended up being confronted with seven shades of Sh!te, but that's ok, work and I will get through our issues....

The Boyfriend, as lovely as he is, is no longer The Boyfriend. He is now The Ex. Don't ask what happened - I don't honestly know, but he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and so we parted. It's a shame that he couldn't have figured that out 8 months ago, but hey ho, such is life.

One thing he said to me was that he felt I was too fat. No don't get me wrong, he is not a perfect specimen of a man. But too fat? I'm a size 18 - so yes, I know I am big and need to lose weight, but I was bigger than this when he met me. And the average dress size in the UK is 16 - does that make me horriffic to look at?
Does he mean too fat to be loveable? Too fat to be sexy? Too fat to be attractive? I wish I'd quizzed him on it really, but at the time I was a little too stunned by the remark.

Now I don't know whether it's his remarks, the prospect of actually having to go on another date at some point in the future or just my on going battle with weight in general, but I've decided to join a slimming club. Again.
I've been to a few before, when I was younger and before the diabetes kicked in and I did pretty well. I think it was to do with being officially weighed every week. Since I've been teaching, I've really struggled to find time to go to the meetings consistently every week - and then the plan goes down the drain.
So off I went last night, took myself to the meeting. I have to say that unlike any other meeting I have ever been to, this one was not full of little cliques - it genuinely seemed like a really friendly bunch of people. I was a little disturbed by the presence of ex student - but she didn't recongnise me and I pretended not to recognise her. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to talk to students out of school but this weight battle is really personal and I have a real thing about protecting my personal life.
I do wish sometimes that there was something juicy to protect - but there isn't. Perhaps I want to pretend that my life is actually really exciting....

So I have carefully recorded my food for the day, weighed out what I needed to and made sure that I have done 30 minutes of exercise today. I feel pretty good actually. Not for any physical reason, I'm sure, just the righteousness that comes with being 'good' on a diet.
I really should get out of that mind set. It's not a diet - it has to be my way of life for the next year if I am going to be successful.
I thought about a sensible target last night. I need to lose 5 stone in total before I am within a healthy weight. This needs to be a long term plan. I guess that a good shorter term target should be 2 stone. That would make a huge difference to my health.
So, target is set at 24 lb. One pound at at time. I can do it.

I may have a little help. I have today just started on Byetta injections for the diabetes. Picked the pen up today and all the associated bits and pieces. I am now the proud owner of a sharps bin and a whole box of needles. One of the side effects is weight loss for some people, so I am hoping that I am one of the lucky ones.

It's a funny thing, having to inject yourself. I know that millions of people do it every day and it's no big deal - but I still had to count to three and close my eyes. I didn't feel it and I'm sure I'll get used to it but the thought of sticking a needle in myself is still wierd to me.
One of the other side effects is nausea - so am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get that one.