Dukan Attack Day 5

I've now lost over 6kg. Last night I pranced around the bedroom, trying on all of my favourite clothes which I couldn't even squeeze into this time last week.
I'm well aware that I'll put a little back on again when I start to eat veg again, but I'm pretty happy right now.

I know I am not a good dieter. I get far too overexcited at the prospect of losing weight. I just can't seem to help myself. Even when I try really hard not to, I still end up trying to work out when I will have lost x amount of weight, when I will be into a particular size and planning out when I will need to go shopping for new clothes.
This hasn't really been helped by the website for the diet which has given me a 'prediction' of the number of days that I will be on each phase for. And even though I know that it is not even remotely possible to predict how quickly I will or will not lose weight - in my head there is the nagging persisting idea the by November I will be stable at my target weight. I know it's crazy. But this is why it's so tempting - this idea that by Christmas I could be just a slim shadow of my former self. Glamorous and gorgeous and generally adored by all.

Even though this is a fleeting tought in my mind, it makes me question just how comfortable I was in my own skin after all. I had always thought that at this point in my life, I have come to feel happy with the way that I am. Yes, I do need to lose weight if I can for my health to improve my diabetes, but if I don't then I can still look in the mirror every morning and love me for the person that I am, wrinkles, stretch marks, generously proportioned wobbly bits and all.
So when I get all excited about the prospect of actually being slim, it feels almost as though I have given myself over to some cult, given up that feeling of acceptance and am all of a sudden condeming the way that I look right now as somehow not okay.

Anyway, to top this self-doubt off, I then invariably fail to meet my self-set deadlines and then end up feeling like I have failed and the whole cycle begins again.

This time, I think I'll just take what I can get, when I can get it. If I manage to keep the weight off that I've already lost, in the long term, then at least I'll be more comfortable in my clothes and my conscience.