I've now lost over 6kg. Last night I pranced around the bedroom, trying on all of my favourite clothes which I couldn't even squeeze into this time last week.
I'm well aware that I'll put a little back on again when I start to eat veg again, but I'm pretty happy right now.
I know I am not a good dieter. I get far too overexcited at the prospect of losing weight. I just can't seem to help myself. Even when I try really hard not to, I still end up trying to work out when I will have lost x amount of weight, when I will be into a particular size and planning out when I will need to go shopping for new clothes.
This hasn't really been helped by the website for the diet which has given me a 'prediction' of the number of days that I will be on each phase for. And even though I know that it is not even remotely possible to predict how quickly I will or will not lose weight - in my head there is the nagging persisting idea the by November I will be stable at my target weight. I know it's crazy. But this is why it's so tempting - this idea that by Christmas I could be just a slim shadow of my former self. Glamorous and gorgeous and generally adored by all.
Even though this is a fleeting tought in my mind, it makes me question just how comfortable I was in my own skin after all. I had always thought that at this point in my life, I have come to feel happy with the way that I am. Yes, I do need to lose weight if I can for my health to improve my diabetes, but if I don't then I can still look in the mirror every morning and love me for the person that I am, wrinkles, stretch marks, generously proportioned wobbly bits and all.
So when I get all excited about the prospect of actually being slim, it feels almost as though I have given myself over to some cult, given up that feeling of acceptance and am all of a sudden condeming the way that I look right now as somehow not okay.
Anyway, to top this self-doubt off, I then invariably fail to meet my self-set deadlines and then end up feeling like I have failed and the whole cycle begins again.
This time, I think I'll just take what I can get, when I can get it. If I manage to keep the weight off that I've already lost, in the long term, then at least I'll be more comfortable in my clothes and my conscience.
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Friday, 30 April 2010
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
Dukan Attack Day 2
Blimey what a day!!
I decided to do something different for breakfast and had some sliced ham - I was rushed off my feet, so didn't get anything more than that, but it filled me up.
Lunch was a little unfortunate. I had planned to have the left-overs from last night's dinner. When I got into work I didn't take the tub out of my bag and put it into the fridge as I normally do. In fact, I only remembered that I had left it in my bag when I had worked through lunch and went to get it during my free period afterwards. But to be honest, I wasn't particularly hungry, so I wasn't too bothered. Besides, my BG was stable at around 7 all day, so I didn't worry too much.
Got home and decided to try one of those Dukan pancake thingies. I made it and it was surprisingly nice. I let it cool down, sliced it into ribbons and then stirred through some cooked chicken and non fat cheese. Yum! In fact it was so filling that I could only eat half of the meal. I can keep the rest for tomorrow's lunch.
The pancake was a bit like bread so it will make nice wraps for pretty much anything. I'm really looking forward to one with smoked salmon tomorrow for breakfast.
Recipe:
1 egg
1 tbsp wheat bran
2 tbsp oatbran
2 tbsp low fat fromage frais.
I think with some sweetener it could be made into a kind of sweet treat too! In fact, it would be great spread with dukan nutella - I'm sure I saw a recipe for that somewhere, will have to dig it out.
No figures for weight loss yet. I refuse to keep a set of scales as I know of the obsession that lies there. I plan to weigh myself at the gym on Sunday. But, like yesterday, much less bloated and feeling great. Also I keep ketostix in the bathroom from the last time I tried a serious low carb diet. (I didn't stick on it perfectly, but reduced carb has stuck for a while.) Anyhow, I was curious so I peed on the stick! It went light pink. It never went pink all the time that I was doing low carb before and the darker pink the better, as far as I'm concerned. I am so chuffed at that. It means that my body is starting to burn fat. As my BG is normal and stable, the dangers that are associated with this are limited, I'm told, so I'm pretty happy.
I had a headache yesterday evening, so I tried really hard to drink more water today. I think I've managed about 2 litres and am going to drink another couple of glasses this evening. Head is much better tonight.
I can't wait for tomorrow!
I decided to do something different for breakfast and had some sliced ham - I was rushed off my feet, so didn't get anything more than that, but it filled me up.
Lunch was a little unfortunate. I had planned to have the left-overs from last night's dinner. When I got into work I didn't take the tub out of my bag and put it into the fridge as I normally do. In fact, I only remembered that I had left it in my bag when I had worked through lunch and went to get it during my free period afterwards. But to be honest, I wasn't particularly hungry, so I wasn't too bothered. Besides, my BG was stable at around 7 all day, so I didn't worry too much.
Got home and decided to try one of those Dukan pancake thingies. I made it and it was surprisingly nice. I let it cool down, sliced it into ribbons and then stirred through some cooked chicken and non fat cheese. Yum! In fact it was so filling that I could only eat half of the meal. I can keep the rest for tomorrow's lunch.
The pancake was a bit like bread so it will make nice wraps for pretty much anything. I'm really looking forward to one with smoked salmon tomorrow for breakfast.
Recipe:
1 egg
1 tbsp wheat bran
2 tbsp oatbran
2 tbsp low fat fromage frais.
I think with some sweetener it could be made into a kind of sweet treat too! In fact, it would be great spread with dukan nutella - I'm sure I saw a recipe for that somewhere, will have to dig it out.
No figures for weight loss yet. I refuse to keep a set of scales as I know of the obsession that lies there. I plan to weigh myself at the gym on Sunday. But, like yesterday, much less bloated and feeling great. Also I keep ketostix in the bathroom from the last time I tried a serious low carb diet. (I didn't stick on it perfectly, but reduced carb has stuck for a while.) Anyhow, I was curious so I peed on the stick! It went light pink. It never went pink all the time that I was doing low carb before and the darker pink the better, as far as I'm concerned. I am so chuffed at that. It means that my body is starting to burn fat. As my BG is normal and stable, the dangers that are associated with this are limited, I'm told, so I'm pretty happy.
I had a headache yesterday evening, so I tried really hard to drink more water today. I think I've managed about 2 litres and am going to drink another couple of glasses this evening. Head is much better tonight.
I can't wait for tomorrow!
Sunday, 25 April 2010
Sunday scribblings - Dinner
Funny that this was the prompt for today. I have been spending that last couple of days researching the Dukan diet and plan to start it today.
The thing is, I've become far too content with the DearHusband2Be. He says he loves me just as I am (sigh, yes that bit from Bridget Jones, girls!) and with all of the romantic dinners out and dinners in and so on, have put on so much weight that I'm starting to get uncomfortable in my clothes!! (Well, as we live apart, I do have to confess that I just haven't really been planning my food or looking after my blood sugar as much - I've just been focussed on other things.)
The other day a letter dropped through my door, reminding me about my annual HBA1c blood tests and it was the kick up the bum that I needed. I know that starting to eat properly again isn't going to help my HbA1c levels now, but it'll be good to get back on track.
Normally I try to stick to a high protein, low carb diet which keeps my Blood Glucose (BG) in check but then Date dinners happened, then Easter happened and then general laziness kicked in! The Dukan diet doesn't actually appear to be too far away from how I normally eat (when I'm being good!) anyway, and lots of people seem to be doing really well with it and so I thought I'd give it a go.
The big difference is the 'attack' phase where you only eat pure protein for a few days to kick start the new eating plan. After that you can eat a mixture of pure protein and low carb veg, which suits me nicely.
So here goes. Attack phase. I'm going to do it for 7 days. My fears at this point are that I might get migraines (as I sometimes seem to if I haven't eaten enough carbs) and that I may struggle to drink the recommended 3 litres of water a day at work. I'll try.
The other concern is that I may get bad breath in this time. I know it seems like a silly thing to worry about, but I work with kids and I don't want to spend the week making them endure the bad breath!!
Anyhow. Here it is. I'm going to plan out my menu for the week and then go shopping later.
Right now, for today it's boiled eggs for breakfast, prawns for lunch and for then for dinner, I think I'll have chicken stuffed with non fat cream cheese.
I'm going to have to start tracking my BG carefully again, so I can adjust my meds and avoid hypos.
I've got until next August to ty to get into a reasonable dress size, so that I can start getting excited about looking gorgeous for the wedding. How much do I seriously want to lose here? Is it wrong to hope for a loss of 37 kg? I know it sounds a lot but that would take me into a healthy weight. (Yeah, I'm heavy now!) Well let's take it one kilo at a time. It will all add up in the end.
I am so going to do this!
The thing is, I've become far too content with the DearHusband2Be. He says he loves me just as I am (sigh, yes that bit from Bridget Jones, girls!) and with all of the romantic dinners out and dinners in and so on, have put on so much weight that I'm starting to get uncomfortable in my clothes!! (Well, as we live apart, I do have to confess that I just haven't really been planning my food or looking after my blood sugar as much - I've just been focussed on other things.)
The other day a letter dropped through my door, reminding me about my annual HBA1c blood tests and it was the kick up the bum that I needed. I know that starting to eat properly again isn't going to help my HbA1c levels now, but it'll be good to get back on track.
Normally I try to stick to a high protein, low carb diet which keeps my Blood Glucose (BG) in check but then Date dinners happened, then Easter happened and then general laziness kicked in! The Dukan diet doesn't actually appear to be too far away from how I normally eat (when I'm being good!) anyway, and lots of people seem to be doing really well with it and so I thought I'd give it a go.
The big difference is the 'attack' phase where you only eat pure protein for a few days to kick start the new eating plan. After that you can eat a mixture of pure protein and low carb veg, which suits me nicely.
So here goes. Attack phase. I'm going to do it for 7 days. My fears at this point are that I might get migraines (as I sometimes seem to if I haven't eaten enough carbs) and that I may struggle to drink the recommended 3 litres of water a day at work. I'll try.
The other concern is that I may get bad breath in this time. I know it seems like a silly thing to worry about, but I work with kids and I don't want to spend the week making them endure the bad breath!!
Anyhow. Here it is. I'm going to plan out my menu for the week and then go shopping later.
Right now, for today it's boiled eggs for breakfast, prawns for lunch and for then for dinner, I think I'll have chicken stuffed with non fat cream cheese.
I'm going to have to start tracking my BG carefully again, so I can adjust my meds and avoid hypos.
I've got until next August to ty to get into a reasonable dress size, so that I can start getting excited about looking gorgeous for the wedding. How much do I seriously want to lose here? Is it wrong to hope for a loss of 37 kg? I know it sounds a lot but that would take me into a healthy weight. (Yeah, I'm heavy now!) Well let's take it one kilo at a time. It will all add up in the end.
I am so going to do this!
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
25th November - One month until Christmas
It's funny how life can change in such a short space of time.
I got well enough to go back to work. Went back to work and ended up being confronted with seven shades of Sh!te, but that's ok, work and I will get through our issues....
The Boyfriend, as lovely as he is, is no longer The Boyfriend. He is now The Ex. Don't ask what happened - I don't honestly know, but he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and so we parted. It's a shame that he couldn't have figured that out 8 months ago, but hey ho, such is life.
One thing he said to me was that he felt I was too fat. No don't get me wrong, he is not a perfect specimen of a man. But too fat? I'm a size 18 - so yes, I know I am big and need to lose weight, but I was bigger than this when he met me. And the average dress size in the UK is 16 - does that make me horriffic to look at?
Does he mean too fat to be loveable? Too fat to be sexy? Too fat to be attractive? I wish I'd quizzed him on it really, but at the time I was a little too stunned by the remark.
Now I don't know whether it's his remarks, the prospect of actually having to go on another date at some point in the future or just my on going battle with weight in general, but I've decided to join a slimming club. Again.
I've been to a few before, when I was younger and before the diabetes kicked in and I did pretty well. I think it was to do with being officially weighed every week. Since I've been teaching, I've really struggled to find time to go to the meetings consistently every week - and then the plan goes down the drain.
So off I went last night, took myself to the meeting. I have to say that unlike any other meeting I have ever been to, this one was not full of little cliques - it genuinely seemed like a really friendly bunch of people. I was a little disturbed by the presence of ex student - but she didn't recongnise me and I pretended not to recognise her. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to talk to students out of school but this weight battle is really personal and I have a real thing about protecting my personal life.
I do wish sometimes that there was something juicy to protect - but there isn't. Perhaps I want to pretend that my life is actually really exciting....
So I have carefully recorded my food for the day, weighed out what I needed to and made sure that I have done 30 minutes of exercise today. I feel pretty good actually. Not for any physical reason, I'm sure, just the righteousness that comes with being 'good' on a diet.
I really should get out of that mind set. It's not a diet - it has to be my way of life for the next year if I am going to be successful.
I thought about a sensible target last night. I need to lose 5 stone in total before I am within a healthy weight. This needs to be a long term plan. I guess that a good shorter term target should be 2 stone. That would make a huge difference to my health.
So, target is set at 24 lb. One pound at at time. I can do it.
I may have a little help. I have today just started on Byetta injections for the diabetes. Picked the pen up today and all the associated bits and pieces. I am now the proud owner of a sharps bin and a whole box of needles. One of the side effects is weight loss for some people, so I am hoping that I am one of the lucky ones.
It's a funny thing, having to inject yourself. I know that millions of people do it every day and it's no big deal - but I still had to count to three and close my eyes. I didn't feel it and I'm sure I'll get used to it but the thought of sticking a needle in myself is still wierd to me.
One of the other side effects is nausea - so am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get that one.
I got well enough to go back to work. Went back to work and ended up being confronted with seven shades of Sh!te, but that's ok, work and I will get through our issues....
The Boyfriend, as lovely as he is, is no longer The Boyfriend. He is now The Ex. Don't ask what happened - I don't honestly know, but he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and so we parted. It's a shame that he couldn't have figured that out 8 months ago, but hey ho, such is life.
One thing he said to me was that he felt I was too fat. No don't get me wrong, he is not a perfect specimen of a man. But too fat? I'm a size 18 - so yes, I know I am big and need to lose weight, but I was bigger than this when he met me. And the average dress size in the UK is 16 - does that make me horriffic to look at?
Does he mean too fat to be loveable? Too fat to be sexy? Too fat to be attractive? I wish I'd quizzed him on it really, but at the time I was a little too stunned by the remark.
Now I don't know whether it's his remarks, the prospect of actually having to go on another date at some point in the future or just my on going battle with weight in general, but I've decided to join a slimming club. Again.
I've been to a few before, when I was younger and before the diabetes kicked in and I did pretty well. I think it was to do with being officially weighed every week. Since I've been teaching, I've really struggled to find time to go to the meetings consistently every week - and then the plan goes down the drain.
So off I went last night, took myself to the meeting. I have to say that unlike any other meeting I have ever been to, this one was not full of little cliques - it genuinely seemed like a really friendly bunch of people. I was a little disturbed by the presence of ex student - but she didn't recongnise me and I pretended not to recognise her. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to talk to students out of school but this weight battle is really personal and I have a real thing about protecting my personal life.
I do wish sometimes that there was something juicy to protect - but there isn't. Perhaps I want to pretend that my life is actually really exciting....
So I have carefully recorded my food for the day, weighed out what I needed to and made sure that I have done 30 minutes of exercise today. I feel pretty good actually. Not for any physical reason, I'm sure, just the righteousness that comes with being 'good' on a diet.
I really should get out of that mind set. It's not a diet - it has to be my way of life for the next year if I am going to be successful.
I thought about a sensible target last night. I need to lose 5 stone in total before I am within a healthy weight. This needs to be a long term plan. I guess that a good shorter term target should be 2 stone. That would make a huge difference to my health.
So, target is set at 24 lb. One pound at at time. I can do it.
I may have a little help. I have today just started on Byetta injections for the diabetes. Picked the pen up today and all the associated bits and pieces. I am now the proud owner of a sharps bin and a whole box of needles. One of the side effects is weight loss for some people, so I am hoping that I am one of the lucky ones.
It's a funny thing, having to inject yourself. I know that millions of people do it every day and it's no big deal - but I still had to count to three and close my eyes. I didn't feel it and I'm sure I'll get used to it but the thought of sticking a needle in myself is still wierd to me.
One of the other side effects is nausea - so am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get that one.
Monday, 9 November 2009
In the beginning...
So here I am. Pipster.
Just here to try to organise and filter my mess of random thoughts that come up with the day to day living of today's girl. Will probably bore the pants off you. But feel free to share my innermost workings as I try to figure my way through life.
I guess a little about me is in order, just to put a little perspective on things.
I'm 35. Am a secondary school teacher. I manage our School's science department and spend far too much time at work. I am diabetic and fight a constant battle with my weight.
I have a boyfriend of 8 months. No constant battles there - but, well, I'm sure that future blogs will help me clarify how things stand between us.
Like I said, feel free to join in and contact me but, as the wisdom of my boyfriend's fridge magnet goes: Be nice or leave.
Have a great day all.
Just here to try to organise and filter my mess of random thoughts that come up with the day to day living of today's girl. Will probably bore the pants off you. But feel free to share my innermost workings as I try to figure my way through life.
I guess a little about me is in order, just to put a little perspective on things.
I'm 35. Am a secondary school teacher. I manage our School's science department and spend far too much time at work. I am diabetic and fight a constant battle with my weight.
I have a boyfriend of 8 months. No constant battles there - but, well, I'm sure that future blogs will help me clarify how things stand between us.
Like I said, feel free to join in and contact me but, as the wisdom of my boyfriend's fridge magnet goes: Be nice or leave.
Have a great day all.
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